Learning To Live Again
by VampireDA3
Summary: Memories aren't the only thing Alucard has left Integra after he disappears. Integra is left to pick up the pieces of her shattered life with the help of Seras as both young women learn to live without those they considered family.


I really should be working on Just A Little Peace, not starting new projects! But this wouldn't go away and leave me alone...

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 **Prologue**

The thick heavy drapes blocked out the moonlight completely and there was barely even embers glowing in the fireplace. That didn't really matter, though. The darkness was his domain, and hers truth be told. Tonight she was sleeping peacefully at his side. The drapes had been her precaution to protect him from the sunlight since he had given up the safety of his coffin to stay with her that night. The sunlight was only an annoyance, it hadn't been fatal in hundreds of years, but the gesture still warmed his heart.

He lightly brushes his fingers down her arm as he lightly kisses the back of her shoulder, not really concerned with waking her, not after the night they'd had! No, Integra merely gave a content sigh in her sleep as she presses her warm body back against him. There had been something almost desperate in their love making tonight, like both of them knew the end was coming.

It was a feeling he hadn't been able to shake since the attack on the mansion. He had hid it well behind his usual bloodlust till tonight. His fingertips brush over the smooth skin on the back of her hand. His own hand was still scarred from Van Hellsing's dark magic that bound him to the Hellsing bloodline, but it wasn't the magic that kept him bound to this Hellsing. He smiles against the back of her shoulder as he laces his fingers with hers, the matching gold bands on their fingers shining in the bit of light coming from the embers in the fire place.

His body may have been enslaved to the bloodline, but he had freely given his heart to her. There was no official ceremony, it was just an exchange of rings and vows between them, their secret. The only other person who knew was Seras.

"You're worried."

Alucard raises up to find a pair of bright blue eyes staring at him. What could he say to that? He smiles slightly and leans over to brush his lips against hers, "Sorry for waking you."

Without a word she turns and tucks her body under his. It still amazed him how she would seek the comfort of being close to him, but here they weren't master and servant. She didn't have to be the strong one. Here they were husband and wife no matter if there was paperwork to prove it or not.

"What troubles you, my Count?"

He wraps an arm around her to hold her close, "The same thing that's bothering you. I don't doubt Hellsing will crush those Millennium fools, but it stills feels like this is the end."

She raises her hands up between them and brushes a fingertip over her ring, "The end of us you mean."

That was what he didn't want to admit. She became his when she was eighteen. He had proposed to her on her birthday out in the garden and with a bullet of all things! He had no money of his own to purchase a ring so a bullet from his Casull had to do. That same bullet can always be found in her pocket. Only four years had passed since that day, far too soon to be saying goodbye! His breath comes out as a hiss between clenched teeth when a warm hand suddenly takes hold of his manhood. He blinks as he looks down at her, "Again?"

Integra smirks and slowly strokes him, drawing out a moan from the vampire, "Again. Unless you're too tired to please your wife."

A grin slowly spreads across his lips, "You are in for a long night, Countess."

Chapter One

The ceiling swirled and rippled, sending her stomach lurching again. She'd take ghouls or even Nazi vampires over these nauseating dizzy spells! What was worse she didn't even have to be standing for one to hit her! With a groan she tries to pull herself up from the bed, it was a struggle and soon as she put her weight on her feet the floor rushes up to meet her. It disgusted her to be so weak to have to call for help, but she wasn't left with much of a choice.

"Seras…" Vampiric hearing or not the woman wasn't going to hear that pathetic whine. Taking a deep breath Integra tries again, "Seras!"

Within seconds familiar worn boots filled her vision. It was as much of a relief as it was an annoyance.

"Damn it all! I told you to call for me BEFORE you try to get out of bed!" Seras fusses at her as she gathers the near limp form up from the floor.

The sudden change in elevation was the last straw for Integra's poor abused stomach. Seras' vampiric speed is all that saves her pristine uniform from being coated with bile. The young vampire kneels beside her commander, dutifully keeping her hair pulled back away from her face. It pained her to see Integra in such a sorry state.

"This keeps up much longer I'm going to lose the baby…"

Seras frowns slightly as she eases Integra back against the cool marble of the tub. The woman looked so haggard and on the verge of tears. It was rather unnerving. Up till now she had been so certain nothing could break Sir Integra Hellsing. Integra had shown nothing but pure fury when Alucard had disappeared, but maybe that, the chaos London was left in, then finding out she was pregnant and having so much trouble with it was finally pushing the woman to her breaking point.

"Ready to put a bullet in my head yet, vampire?"

And then she goes and says something like that! Seras reaches up and pinches the bridge of her nose as she tightly closes her eyes. Morbid woman!

"Don't be silly, Sir. If I did that then I'd be out of a job."

The weak chuckle from Integra did make her feel a little better. Standing up she grabs the washcloth from the counter and wets it before kneeling back beside Integra, letting the older woman take the washcloth from her, "I've not had much luck finding any reliable information in the library here or online about dhampirs. It's mostly all fanatic drivel. You've been too sick for me to leave and there's the whole thing of trying to keep the remaining Knights from finding out you're pregnant by a vampire."

Integra sighs as she holds the cold washcloth to her face, muffling her voice slightly, "They would try to have the baby destroyed along with me if they find out the whole truth." She raises her head up in time to see the feral glow in the draculina's eyes. Any normal person would be finding a bed to hide under…well, no normal person would be keeping company with vampires to begin with.

"I'll never let anyone harm you or the baby. If there was one thing I learned during that "exchange of bullets" was that just because someone is human doesn't mean they aren't a monster. Even my master with all that blood on his hands is a better man than most humans I've seen. So if those pompous old men want to try harming those I care about I'll happily show them just how much like Alucard I can be!"

Integra chuckles quietly, "Every day that goes by shows even more of why Alucard chose to turn you. And before you even think it, it has nothing to do with that bloodlust you show from time to time. It's your strength, determination, and loyalty."

Seeing Seras bright smile helped to elevate her own discomfort. It had only been a couple months since the end of Millennium, but it seemed like all she had ever known was agony. Every day that went by she cared less and less what happened to the organization. The little life growing inside her consumed her every thought while her heart ached for her vampire. The Hellsing organization would have ceased to exist if not for Seras' gentle prodding. It didn't make Integra feel any better about the state she had fallen into.

"I think….well, I have an idea."

Integra arches a brow at the draculina, "An idea about what exactly?"

Her grin had returned full force, "Something that may help you feel better! Just sit tight, I'll be back in a moment."

Before she could protest or find out what the girl was on about the vampire had vanished. Closing her eyes with a sigh she leans her head back against the marble tub. The dizziness had faded, but she still felt too weak to keep her eyes open no less pull herself up from the floor.

True to her word Seras returned a few minutes later with a blood bag in hand.

"Seras, you're still being rationed, you know that. Until our funding is-"

"Oh this isn't for me!"

"What the bloody hell do you-…you can't be serious."

Sera's shrugs and pulls the cap off the bag, "Yes, this is for you. Well, to be exact it's for the baby. And why not? That baby is at least half vampire! Nothing else we've tried has worked."

Integra sighs and reaches out to take the blood bag from her, "Point taken."

"Don't try drinking a lot of it. Don't want you throwing it back up."

The first mouthful of blood went down followed by a fit of coughing, "That's disgusting! No wonder Alucard complained so much!"

Seras chuckles softly, "Warming it helps, but still doesn't compare to fresh blood. I'll save some of my daily ration for you from now on if this helps."

That first taste had been horrid, but as much to her horror as it was relief it became bearable as long as she swallowed quickly. Afraid to push her luck she offers the rest to Seras. She didn't feel like throwing it back up and even some of the fatigue seemed to have vanished. Taking a chance she reaches up to brace her arm against the side of the tub and pulls herself up from the floor. Her body still felt horribly sluggish, but no dizziness and it didn't feel like her legs were going to give out.

"So what you've been going through was the baby starving, huh?" The stricken look on Integra's face made her flinch, obviously a very bad thing to say to an expecting woman, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean…it's not like you were doing it on purpose….I mean how were we suppose to know?! I don't think either of us knows much about babies, no less half vampire babies!"

"Seras, stop. It's fine. At least we know what to do now thanks to you. Now help me get back to the bed, not going to chance walking on my own just yet." Integra rolls her eyes when the girl picks her up and walks out of the bathroom, "I meant just lend a shoulder or something."

"I'm lending both arms!"

It was hard to keep a stern look when faced with that slightly goofy grin, but Integra had years of practice dealing with Alucard, "Well aren't you just a cheeky little vampire after you've had a bite to eat."

Seras' grin only got bigger. Integra was starting to get concerned she was going to be thrown onto the bed, but the strangely giddy vampire laid her down with a gentleness Integra still found surprising even after all this time spent around the girl considering brute strength seemed to be the girl's main attribute.

"Sorry, Sir, the blood does have that effect. Now don't lay there worrying all night, try to get some rest."

Integra offers a faint smile, "Thank you, Seras. You've been a great help."

The girl's smile is the last thing she sees before exhaustion takes over.


End file.
